Valcano and Me

I am very sorry if I suddenly become low mood or irritable.

From the view of Psychiatry, if those symptoms persists for a long time, I could be diagnosed as depression or bipolar symptoms.

But my mood changes happen in cyclical patterns, which I think it's mostly caused by hormonal changes in my body. A friend of mine said that girls have a lot of excuses when they are low mood, but would not blame on their anger management. :-P

Thinking back properly, it is quite reasonable if I blame my irritable on the hormones because it really happens on certain periods only. On the other time I still able to control of myself not to too emo. Even though some people would act emo beside me, I will try to suppress myself using my EQ. But if this occurs on my 'hormonal' period, I will keep quiet only or act more emo that usual. That's usually out of my control.

I was told before:

You are just like a 'sleeping valcano', quiet most of the time, no much damaging properties. BUT there would be one day that the valcano will burst out. During that time, nobody could predict how bad was the consequences.

Erm... true also.

She used a very suitable example to describe me. I could be very terrible when I am out of control, if the stimulants are super X100000 serious and irritate me so much.

Can't believe that there was a 'valcano' in Malaysia. Until now, it is still sleeping and hope it will become 'dead valcano'. :-P

‘人’

借问有谁有资格评论某人的品格？父母？长辈？

最近看了一部连续剧，里头有这么一句：

‘人’是最难写的汉字，无论你怎么写都会不好看。那是因为我们对每件事情的看法都不一样，但人性本善，懂得道德礼仪，提升自己的修养，让我们做人不难看。

每个人都不一样，看的东西也不一样，这点笔者超级认同。简单的一撇一捺，背后竟隐藏了如此重大的道理。^.^

三字经也记载：‘人之初，性本善；性相近，习相远’。

后天的栽培，远比先天的天赋影响甚远。虽出自同父同母，亲兄弟也会有差异之分。见过的人，事，物，可以影响及左右我们的决定，思想。经历过的好坏经验，可以成为我们的借镜，让我们不会再次陷入困境。

我活了快23岁，我是不是一位好人？

Chubby face

Sometimes I do hope that I have anorexia nervosa, so that I can lose down my body weight.

I have gained weight alot since Chinese New Year until now. Strictly, I never have slim body. >.<>'Thin', 'Slim'those words never happen on me.

It was one day that I looked back my old photo since 4 years back and compare to the recent one, I found out my face become more chubby. The muscles (or fat) on my face never say bye bye to me, if yes, it was just temporary.

There were evidences that my chubby face never get away..T.T

2006:

2008:

The easiest explaination for this is because I hardly to control my appetite and diet everyday. I can't survive without rice as my main dishes. My favourite foods are mainly consisted of oily, salty and high sugar content food. And I do not exercise often. High food intake plus low metabolism causes the sugar converted into fat and stored in my body. They hide at my waist, hips and face, but they never grow up at the 'supposed parts' of my body.

With lack of determination, there is a crazy thinking that if I have anorexia nervosa and did not eat much everyday, I may achieve my ideal body weight within a short time. However, what can cause I have nervosa? I strongly understand that this is totally bad idea and it is also one kind of psychiatry problems. I just think, not going to do it, ok?

Childhood memories

Yesterday night I dreamt about my childhood, my kindergarden time. I did not have much clear memory of that period. What I can remember was just in pieces, it needs effort to join them all. However, my kindergarden teachers, I would not able forget them at all.

I started my formal education in a small kindergarden in Mak Mandin, Butterworth. That time I had not moved to my current house yet. It was the only kindergarden available during that time, I think. Many kids were sent there to study. The specialties of my kindergarden are we did not have formal uniform. I still remember the dialect we used was Hokkien. Awaresome right? Thankful that I still able to talk in Hokkien and proud of that.

There were 3 teachers during that time. The most 'popular' among students was our English teacher. Actually I don't know her real name, but everyone keeps calling her 'teacher'. She is one of my classmates' mother, in which her son become my childhood best friends after that. She is fierce and strict. We are afraid of her, but sometime will talk behind of her. I am glad that she was nice to me during that time and I became her favourite student. Years later, I knew from my mother that teacher told her that she likes me so much, because I was obedient, not like her own son, which was a naughty boy. ^^

张老师,teacher's sister, she taught us Mandarin. Although she have some deformity, but she was a nice teacher. At least she was not too fierce and patient enough. I can't recall any event that she scolded students. People said all tall building must have good basic. I was able to communicate well in Mandarin now, her contributions should not be wiped off. Hope that she can rest well in heaven now because she had passed away a few years ago. Thank you so much, 张老师。

There was another 李老师，in my memory, she taught us Mathematics. She was also another kind teacher, with full of patience. I like her so much too.

There was an annual sports day in the kindergarden, which was a big event to me last time. We were arranged into 4 or 5 groups according to colour: red, yellow, green, blue and white. And as I remembered, green team was always the big winner, which I was one of member in that team, hehe. Although the prizes given were just stationary, I kept them as the most important presents and not willing to use them.

There were lots of good memories in my childhood and I feel bad of myself because of my poor memory capability. Hope that I can enjoy again my stressless and joyful childhood time.

Sing K and Memories

I had gone to sing K with 3 of my friends last week, the day before my psychiatry long case examination. The last time I went to sing K was 3 months ago, when I celebrated my beloved bf's birthday in Greenbox.

Honestly, I do not have nice voice and nerd in rhythm, although I was member of Choir team before. I do not know how do I survive last time. =.= Everytime I go for Karaokae, my main purpose is only for the buffet there and my main job is to help ordering the songs. I am shy to sing in front of many people.

However, I do enjoy the time hanging out with friends, which made me feel warm and not lonely. I am kind of people who scare of alone, maybe due to lack of self-esteems and self-confidence. (which I suspect I have dependent personality disorder before)

The time I first time sing K was at 2006, in Gurney plaza, Penang. The memory was still fresh in my mind, with lots of my friends from KMK. Maybe it was because of weekdays and they do not have many bussiness, we can extend the time without any extra charges. We only left after we sang till our voice was almost finished and died off. Really enjoyable during that time, although I did not sing much too.

For my last singK experience, we sang from about 9pm till 2am in the midnight, after we are exhausted and almost freezed there. The service boy still did not have the intention to want us leave yet, so we extended our time AGAIN!! I almost forgot about my long case examination on the next day, lol. The songs were repeated and repeated a few times. Some of songs were chosen just to watch the MV, not for the purpose of singing too. haha...

Although I said I am shy to sing, but it does not mean I do not sing at all. I prefer guys songs and also some sad love songs. Some of Fish Leong's songs are my favourite, for the rhythm and also lyric. 第三者，会呼吸的痛... Btw, my favourite singer still is SHE. Just those songs can calm down my mood sometimes and bring up some memories. :-P

That's the photo of 3 pretty girls in the K box on that night. Special thanks to Len Young, our photographer. ^^

一生之爱

付出许多感情的人，事，物，当然不是说忘就忘。。。


一直很迷恋台湾女子团体SHE,她们的小小节目重复几遍亦无所谓。她们12张专辑歌曲反复倒带，种种新旧回忆涌上心头。


2001年‘恋人未满’：一首让大家认识SHE的成名曲，中二时透过一名友人介绍，旋律还不错，没有太喜欢，也没排斥。


接下来的第2，3，4张专辑脍炙人口的歌曲，我都朗朗上口，但未称得上疯狂。


2003年，SUPERSTAR热潮掀起，就连我5岁的堂弟妹们都会唱。当时渐渐认真地学习他们的歌曲，开始我第一次的追星经验。疯狂的跟进她们最新消息，购买新专辑和周边产品。当年没有什么经济能力的我们，和妹妹两人省吃俭用买了专辑，视之如宝，犹记得当时买了‘奇幻旅程’，就是她们的第6张专辑。


2004年的‘Encore’，碰巧遇到我考SPM，也不顾一切的买了专辑再说，好像专辑里的每首歌歌词才是我的考试内容。每当听见‘候鸟’这首歌，似乎都有种魔力把我带回中五的回忆里。一直有遗憾无法出席她们的第一场世界巡回演唱会，因为适逢我考试，而且在遥远的吉隆玻（当时我在槟城），只有用考试为重来填补心中的遗憾，嘻嘻。。。


2005年‘不想长大’，似乎说出了我的心声，也开始找到了同样喜爱她们的同好者。


2006年，我人生的另一个转折点，踏入了象牙塔。虽然课业的繁忙，我还是不减追星的热诚。‘FOREVER’，过后的‘PLAY’，‘FM SHE’ 我都一一支持。


2007年，我第一次参加了SHE签名会。当时的我真的难以形容我的心情，简直是兴奋到极点。拍了好久的队伍，脑海中不停反复许多想对她们说的话，结果3位小女子一坐在我面前，我紧张得一句话都说不出口，只会喊：Selina，Hebe，Ella。。。真锉。。。


2007年12月1日，我和妹妹终于如愿以偿的出席她们‘大马移动城堡巡回演唱会’。一个字形容：棒! 喊到声音快破哑了，但对我而言，一切都是值得的，毕竟很难放弃你所爱的东西。


2008，2009，至今2010年，SHE成军也10年了，我并没后悔喜欢过她们，甚至到有点爱慕她们，但是她们那开朗，不做作的真性情深深吸引了我，是我学习的好对象。


未来的日子还有很多未知数，我也不懂以后我还有那么多时间再追星。不过，肯定的是：SHE的每首歌曲深深烙印脑海里，那里有欢乐的回忆，值得回味。我想我一辈子都无法忘掉她们吧！因为，爱得太深了。。。