梁静茹-第三者

喜欢听音乐，靠音乐来填补生活的枯燥。

悲伤情歌，却成了我的最爱。无他，只是某些歌词感动了我。

情歌小天后梁静茹，有好几首歌，触动我内心，那旋律，那歌词，甜美的歌声，常盘旋脑海中。

开始变得感性了，懂得在看电影时留下眼泪，听见贴切的旋律及歌词会被感动。

我想，这就是副修‘爱情’这堂课后的成长吧！

最爱歌曲之一，

梁静茹-第三者：

你的話我曉得

無論你說得多麼溫和

某一些難解的隔閡

把愛傷害了那多不值得

沒什麼好怪的

我已經乏力繼續拉扯

沒有誰非愛誰不可

就算變心了也非罪不可赦

她只是最最無辜的第三者

就算她消失此刻　告訴我能得回什麼呢

責怪她又憑什麼呢

她只是無意闖入的第三者

我們之間的困難　在她出現之前就有了

雖然我憤怒但是我明白的

把過錯讓她去背著　那是不對的

Hey女孩你聽著

所有愛情都有競爭者

我不妒忌你們快樂

雖然我人生因此有曲折

他還是不錯的

我們的選擇不是巧合

你用青春大膽假設

我去將失去活成一種獲得

实说，我超爱听，这是一首很好听的歌曲^^，值得推荐。

Valcano and Me

I am very sorry if I suddenly become low mood or irritable.

From the view of Psychiatry, if those symptoms persists for a long time, I could be diagnosed as depression or bipolar symptoms.

But my mood changes happen in cyclical patterns, which I think it's mostly caused by hormonal changes in my body. A friend of mine said that girls have a lot of excuses when they are low mood, but would not blame on their anger management. :-P

Thinking back properly, it is quite reasonable if I blame my irritable on the hormones because it really happens on certain periods only. On the other time I still able to control of myself not to too emo. Even though some people would act emo beside me, I will try to suppress myself using my EQ. But if this occurs on my 'hormonal' period, I will keep quiet only or act more emo that usual. That's usually out of my control.

I was told before:

You are just like a 'sleeping valcano', quiet most of the time, no much damaging properties. BUT there would be one day that the valcano will burst out. During that time, nobody could predict how bad was the consequences.

Erm... true also.

She used a very suitable example to describe me. I could be very terrible when I am out of control, if the stimulants are super X100000 serious and irritate me so much.

Can't believe that there was a 'valcano' in Malaysia. Until now, it is still sleeping and hope it will become 'dead valcano'. :-P

‘人’

借问有谁有资格评论某人的品格？父母？长辈？

最近看了一部连续剧，里头有这么一句：

‘人’是最难写的汉字，无论你怎么写都会不好看。那是因为我们对每件事情的看法都不一样，但人性本善，懂得道德礼仪，提升自己的修养，让我们做人不难看。

每个人都不一样，看的东西也不一样，这点笔者超级认同。简单的一撇一捺，背后竟隐藏了如此重大的道理。^.^

三字经也记载：‘人之初，性本善；性相近，习相远’。

后天的栽培，远比先天的天赋影响甚远。虽出自同父同母，亲兄弟也会有差异之分。见过的人，事，物，可以影响及左右我们的决定，思想。经历过的好坏经验，可以成为我们的借镜，让我们不会再次陷入困境。

我活了快23岁，我是不是一位好人？

Chubby face

Sometimes I do hope that I have anorexia nervosa, so that I can lose down my body weight.

I have gained weight alot since Chinese New Year until now. Strictly, I never have slim body. >.<>'Thin', 'Slim'those words never happen on me.

It was one day that I looked back my old photo since 4 years back and compare to the recent one, I found out my face become more chubby. The muscles (or fat) on my face never say bye bye to me, if yes, it was just temporary.

There were evidences that my chubby face never get away..T.T

2006:

2008:

The easiest explaination for this is because I hardly to control my appetite and diet everyday. I can't survive without rice as my main dishes. My favourite foods are mainly consisted of oily, salty and high sugar content food. And I do not exercise often. High food intake plus low metabolism causes the sugar converted into fat and stored in my body. They hide at my waist, hips and face, but they never grow up at the 'supposed parts' of my body.

With lack of determination, there is a crazy thinking that if I have anorexia nervosa and did not eat much everyday, I may achieve my ideal body weight within a short time. However, what can cause I have nervosa? I strongly understand that this is totally bad idea and it is also one kind of psychiatry problems. I just think, not going to do it, ok?

Childhood memories

Yesterday night I dreamt about my childhood, my kindergarden time. I did not have much clear memory of that period. What I can remember was just in pieces, it needs effort to join them all. However, my kindergarden teachers, I would not able forget them at all.

I started my formal education in a small kindergarden in Mak Mandin, Butterworth. That time I had not moved to my current house yet. It was the only kindergarden available during that time, I think. Many kids were sent there to study. The specialties of my kindergarden are we did not have formal uniform. I still remember the dialect we used was Hokkien. Awaresome right? Thankful that I still able to talk in Hokkien and proud of that.

There were 3 teachers during that time. The most 'popular' among students was our English teacher. Actually I don't know her real name, but everyone keeps calling her 'teacher'. She is one of my classmates' mother, in which her son become my childhood best friends after that. She is fierce and strict. We are afraid of her, but sometime will talk behind of her. I am glad that she was nice to me during that time and I became her favourite student. Years later, I knew from my mother that teacher told her that she likes me so much, because I was obedient, not like her own son, which was a naughty boy. ^^

张老师,teacher's sister, she taught us Mandarin. Although she have some deformity, but she was a nice teacher. At least she was not too fierce and patient enough. I can't recall any event that she scolded students. People said all tall building must have good basic. I was able to communicate well in Mandarin now, her contributions should not be wiped off. Hope that she can rest well in heaven now because she had passed away a few years ago. Thank you so much, 张老师。

There was another 李老师，in my memory, she taught us Mathematics. She was also another kind teacher, with full of patience. I like her so much too.

There was an annual sports day in the kindergarden, which was a big event to me last time. We were arranged into 4 or 5 groups according to colour: red, yellow, green, blue and white. And as I remembered, green team was always the big winner, which I was one of member in that team, hehe. Although the prizes given were just stationary, I kept them as the most important presents and not willing to use them.

There were lots of good memories in my childhood and I feel bad of myself because of my poor memory capability. Hope that I can enjoy again my stressless and joyful childhood time.

Sing K and Memories

I had gone to sing K with 3 of my friends last week, the day before my psychiatry long case examination. The last time I went to sing K was 3 months ago, when I celebrated my beloved bf's birthday in Greenbox.

Honestly, I do not have nice voice and nerd in rhythm, although I was member of Choir team before. I do not know how do I survive last time. =.= Everytime I go for Karaokae, my main purpose is only for the buffet there and my main job is to help ordering the songs. I am shy to sing in front of many people.

However, I do enjoy the time hanging out with friends, which made me feel warm and not lonely. I am kind of people who scare of alone, maybe due to lack of self-esteems and self-confidence. (which I suspect I have dependent personality disorder before)

The time I first time sing K was at 2006, in Gurney plaza, Penang. The memory was still fresh in my mind, with lots of my friends from KMK. Maybe it was because of weekdays and they do not have many bussiness, we can extend the time without any extra charges. We only left after we sang till our voice was almost finished and died off. Really enjoyable during that time, although I did not sing much too.

For my last singK experience, we sang from about 9pm till 2am in the midnight, after we are exhausted and almost freezed there. The service boy still did not have the intention to want us leave yet, so we extended our time AGAIN!! I almost forgot about my long case examination on the next day, lol. The songs were repeated and repeated a few times. Some of songs were chosen just to watch the MV, not for the purpose of singing too. haha...

Although I said I am shy to sing, but it does not mean I do not sing at all. I prefer guys songs and also some sad love songs. Some of Fish Leong's songs are my favourite, for the rhythm and also lyric. 第三者，会呼吸的痛... Btw, my favourite singer still is SHE. Just those songs can calm down my mood sometimes and bring up some memories. :-P

That's the photo of 3 pretty girls in the K box on that night. Special thanks to Len Young, our photographer. ^^

一生之爱

付出许多感情的人，事，物，当然不是说忘就忘。。。


一直很迷恋台湾女子团体SHE,她们的小小节目重复几遍亦无所谓。她们12张专辑歌曲反复倒带，种种新旧回忆涌上心头。


2001年‘恋人未满’：一首让大家认识SHE的成名曲，中二时透过一名友人介绍，旋律还不错，没有太喜欢，也没排斥。


接下来的第2，3，4张专辑脍炙人口的歌曲，我都朗朗上口，但未称得上疯狂。


2003年，SUPERSTAR热潮掀起，就连我5岁的堂弟妹们都会唱。当时渐渐认真地学习他们的歌曲，开始我第一次的追星经验。疯狂的跟进她们最新消息，购买新专辑和周边产品。当年没有什么经济能力的我们，和妹妹两人省吃俭用买了专辑，视之如宝，犹记得当时买了‘奇幻旅程’，就是她们的第6张专辑。


2004年的‘Encore’，碰巧遇到我考SPM，也不顾一切的买了专辑再说，好像专辑里的每首歌歌词才是我的考试内容。每当听见‘候鸟’这首歌，似乎都有种魔力把我带回中五的回忆里。一直有遗憾无法出席她们的第一场世界巡回演唱会，因为适逢我考试，而且在遥远的吉隆玻（当时我在槟城），只有用考试为重来填补心中的遗憾，嘻嘻。。。


2005年‘不想长大’，似乎说出了我的心声，也开始找到了同样喜爱她们的同好者。


2006年，我人生的另一个转折点，踏入了象牙塔。虽然课业的繁忙，我还是不减追星的热诚。‘FOREVER’，过后的‘PLAY’，‘FM SHE’ 我都一一支持。


2007年，我第一次参加了SHE签名会。当时的我真的难以形容我的心情，简直是兴奋到极点。拍了好久的队伍，脑海中不停反复许多想对她们说的话，结果3位小女子一坐在我面前，我紧张得一句话都说不出口，只会喊：Selina，Hebe，Ella。。。真锉。。。


2007年12月1日，我和妹妹终于如愿以偿的出席她们‘大马移动城堡巡回演唱会’。一个字形容：棒! 喊到声音快破哑了，但对我而言，一切都是值得的，毕竟很难放弃你所爱的东西。


2008，2009，至今2010年，SHE成军也10年了，我并没后悔喜欢过她们，甚至到有点爱慕她们，但是她们那开朗，不做作的真性情深深吸引了我，是我学习的好对象。


未来的日子还有很多未知数，我也不懂以后我还有那么多时间再追星。不过，肯定的是：SHE的每首歌曲深深烙印脑海里，那里有欢乐的回忆，值得回味。我想我一辈子都无法忘掉她们吧！因为，爱得太深了。。。

Dependent Personality Disorder

Since I still in Psychiatry posting, all of my thinking are still around with the disorder related to mental illness and psychiatry.

Honestly, this posting really attracted me so much and I have more and more interests into it. ^.^ I never think that I will like anything related to communicate with other people, but I enjoy listening to the patient's problems. They have different interesting stories which can inspire me sometimes.

Last week, I prepared for a presentation of personality disorders. Actually, personality disorder involve deeply ingrained, inflexible patterns of relating to others that are maladaptive and cause significant impairment in social or occupational functioning. They lack insight about their problems and it is Axis II diagnosis. (Copied from my textbooks, I also understand half half only, although I presented it in the class.)

Overall, personality disorder is not a mental illness and it occur since childhood or early adulthood. I diagnosed myself to have mild depression and 'internet' dependence syndrome last few weeks. Now, I found out that I may be have dependent personality disorder too. =.=lll

Everything also need a prove right? Ok, according to the DSM-IV criteria, dependent personality disorder is a pattern of submissive and clinging behaviour due to excessive need to be taken of. At least 5 of the following must be present:

1. difficulty making everyday decisions without reassurance from others (nod my head)

2. needs other to assume responsibilies for most areas of his or her life (nod again)

3. cannot express disagreement because fear of loss of approval (nod nod nod...)

4. difficulty initiating projects because lack of self-confidence (nod till my head tired already)

5. goes to excessive lengths to obtain support from others (erm... maybe?)

6. feels helpless when alone (no more energy to nod)

7. urgently seeks another relationship when one ends

8. preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of self

1,2,3,4,5.. Oh no, I fixed at least 5 of the criterias!!!

Ok ok, I know I cannot labelled myself to this disorder as I like. All those disorder which I suspect I got is probably due to my excessive worry. Erm? Excessive worry is also a kind of problems in psychiatry, lol.

The more you know, the more you will worry, hahaha...

Internet dependence syndrome

In psychiatry, there are some criterias to diagnose alchohol or other substance dependent. Since I am still in psychiatry posting, I like to link all those criteria and think whether this happen to me also.

Last few weeks, I diagnosed myself to have symptoms of depression, according to the criteria I learnt in DSM-IV (A classification of psychiatry illness). I don't know whether it's correct for me to do so, but at least I got good insight. ^.^

Recently, the wireless service in my room was cut down without any reason. This caused many inconveniences to me because I can't online to check mail, facebooking... I felt my life is not meaningful when can't online at any time I like.

When I discussed this issue with my friends, they said I have 'internet' dependence syndrome.

For informations, the correct criteria for dependent:

1. Compulsive

2. Stereotype pattern

3. Primacy/priority

4. Tolerance

5. Recurrent withdrawal symptoms

6. Reinstatement after withdrawal

7. Relief drinking

As modifications of my situation, I am almost fit to the criteria all so called 'internet dependence syndrome' (Actually was created by my friends and I)

1. Compulsive: I am craving to online and surf the internet all the time.

2. Stereotype pattern: I like to online in my room, at the same place and almost everytime when I am in the room, after my class

3. Primacy: I can online until I late for my meal, delay my homework and study, stay overnight just to online

4. Tolerance: I need more and more hours to enjoy excitement of online

5. Recurrent withdrawal symptoms: anxious, worry, can't concentrate

6. Reinstatement after withdrawal: I tried to away from my laptop so that I can more concentrate on my study. In the end, I fail to do so.

7. Relief: I only able to feel satisfied of my day after surfing the internet, even surf for purposeless reasons.

Whether it is true or not, I can't deny that I have fit all those symptoms and I really need to find out a solution for this. If not I will become an 'addict' other that the caffeine. Who can give some good suggestion?

Self-Diagnosed Depression

It has been May of 2010, without I realised it.

I am now in PSY posting, in which I saw a lot of depression, bipolar and schizophrenia patients. There was a thought that I have depression too, because I met some of the symptoms. Since last month, my mood is fluatuating and in low mood most of the time. I know what caused it mostly, but I just cannot get rid of it.

Poor sleeps with multiple wakenings, loss of interests in watching movie in which I enjoy the most last time, changes in appetite, guilty and feeling doubt of myself why I am a failure in that problem. All these symptoms happened for the last one month.

I am a coward, dare not to meet the failure, do not have the gut to fight with others. I just able to let all those problems run away by themselves. People said time is the best medicine for the problems. I do hope that it effective to me.

Recover from bad flu

Last 2 weeks, I was thrown a question by a friend of mine before the class started:

'Hey, what happen to you? U cried before?'

I was shocked, thinking of the reasons he said so.

'No la, I just have a bad flu these few days, and had bad sleeps. These maybe cause I looked so non-energetic and with swollen eyes...'

After that, I tried to take a picture of mine using handphone camera. To my surprise, I really looked old and different from previously. There was no any smile, flat expression from my face. The eyes were swollen, without spirits. In one word, I am totally looked bad during that time.

Now, I am recovered from the flu and prolonged fever. Hope that I will returned back into a cheerful face, with a sweet smile. :-)

Anyway, thanks to my friend who is so observant and noticed some changes on me. This made me feeling warm because there is always people care for you even though you think there is no one. :-)

女人

曾希望自己可以成为才女，把我脑里的思绪全用文字表达出来。

灵感，似乎爱与我作对，最近全无头绪，我的生活，就是那么的乏闷。打开电脑想写些什么，脑子却一片空白。

5月1日是公共假期，我依旧当个宅女。没心情，也没有金钱。。。

说真的，我其实不懂自己心底真正渴望的是什么。辉煌的学业成绩？人人羡慕的伴侣？没错，我是希望可以全都拥有，有可能吗？人生必然会经历起起落落，强求也是无补于事。

女人都不了解自己，男人又如何了解女人呢？

这是我最经常说的一句话，是多次与妹妹及友人谈心后所得到的结论。

女人总爱感慨男人不了解女人，可是女人是否想过她很了解自己吗？如果没有，那男人怎么会比你更懂呢？

沟通吧！上帝制造了嘴巴和耳朵就是这个原因。

PSY Lesson1: Family support

It's quite a long time ago for me to update my blog here. Not in such a mood to write anything before this although there were alot of events happened on me.

Today, with a better mood, I would like to share my experience in new posting which started last 2 weeks. I had finished my medicine posting and currently in psychiatric posting for 8 weeks.

Honestly, I was afraid of patients in psy ward due to lack of awareness of these patients before that. After spending 2 weeks in ward, they give me alot of inspirations and changed my new model of thinking, into more appreciate and open-minded.

Major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia are the most common diagnoses of admitted patients. Even though there is a link between genetic and family history, I noticed there are many ladies experienced relationship problems with their partners and thus in the end they fall into deep depression or other mental illness. I am not here mentioning that guys are not facing similar problem, but this is just my own point of view of of the majority I saw. (If got chances I will talk about guy's main problems next time, hehe)

Some people are lucky enough to get strong supports from their family members and friends in order to get through all those worries and problems, listening to the sounds deep in their heart. I am totally agree with the importance of family and social support in our lives. For my own experience, I will definitely give up alot of things without any of those supports, no matter in physical and mentally.

The patients who experienced mental illness are not under their willing too. Sometimes this happen because they can't find the proper way to express their problem, they feel hopeless and worthless. For instances, when they face relationship problems, they will get through the sadness easier if the family members support them or a good listener. Family support, which is invisble, but we can feel it and it is such such important!

We are learning everyday and change into a better life. So, if we can change our own conventional thinking, not too negativism, we may find out that our future are still bright even though we thought we have met the end of the life. All these just within your mind. Try to listen good advices and learn to accept. There is nothing which is impossible!!!

P/S: I like my PSY posting. :-)

Sleeping sickness

I never thinking of skipping classess, even though how fierce the lecturer is.

This morning was quite bad to me, because I overslept and late for the wardround. The most unforgivable is I had late for more than one hour!!! I only managed to open my eyes after 10 hours sleep when my groupmate phone me. =.=lll

The night before, I slept early, set my alarms and told myself to wake up on time. The 5 alarms and text messages from my leader also failed to wake me up. Now, I have no any idea what can wake me up every morning.

I felt very guilty because of my this bad habits. It makes me always late to class, 'fishing' in the class and not paying enough concentration of what I do. I hope that Professor would not remember me for late to his class or meet him again in the final exam???

Oh my god, I don't know when does this similar condition will happen again? Sleeping sickness, please get away from me!!!

DEATH

I could only say that we can't predict our lifespan. We have planned a lot what we are going to do in the future, with the good career, spending times with beloved family...It is good to plan before we proceed to do any decision. But, did we think of if there is some unexpected events interupt your well-planning plan for your future?

It was two years ago when we received a shocked news, that one of our nice senior had passed away in a car accident when he was on his way back to Seremban. This was really unexpected and we even thought that it was an April fool joke. He was in his housemanship that time and he also had a stable relationship with his girlfriend. A motor-vehicles accident had destroyed all these happiness with sadness remaining.

Besides, clinical posting in hospital could open up my mind and makes me think a lot too. There was a young couples in the ward that the husband was diagnosed to have end-stage lung cancer which is very extensive. All of the tumour cells spread his whole body within a few months. He was very thin and cachexic when we met him. Researches showed that there is relationship between smokers and lung cancer, but this pity uncle did not smoke at all. How come he could suffer from lung cancer too??

If someone asks me,

'do you afraid of death?'

I could just answer them the answer is 'NO'

'But, I just want to be alive so that my family members and person I love would not feel sad.'

'We have to appreciatate what we have now and grab golden chances to prevent we will regret later'

Actually I learnt this lession 3 years ago, from one of my best friend, and I am glad that I do not miss anything that I like since then.

Just do it what you think you are right, don't wait till tomorrow because you will never predict what will happen the next.

S.H.E - 你不会

作词：姚若龙 作曲：郑楠 编曲：吕绍淳

第一次拥吻以前 我们找不到语言
但听见彼此灵魂多渴望永远
贴心后嘴角的甜 摩擦后眼角的咸
一起 懂爱和真爱的差别

你送的杯子里面 还装着温热感觉
你给的每个纪念都排在床沿
相机是牵手两年 围巾是东京五天
戒指 是又哭又笑的道歉

我不相信 你心中现在她最美
你不会你不会你不会把我们的爱踩碎
我不相信 你口中会讲出后悔
你不会你不会你不会不心疼
我拒绝被看见的泪

当初被激烈反对 你安静却没妥协
对我更好来瓦解别人的偏见
我生气失踪几天 我倔强口不择言
是你 紧抱我到情绪沉淀

我不相信 你心中现在她最美
你不会你不会你不会把我们的爱踩碎
我不相信 你口中会讲出后悔
你不会你不会你不会不心疼
我拒绝被看见的泪

我不相信 走来的幸福在脱轨
你不会你不会你不会留残酷让我面对
我不相信 累积的回忆都损毁
你不会你不会你不会舍得
我流一滴像乞讨 的泪

~喜欢这首歌的旋律+感人的歌词~
支持SHE最新专辑 SHERO

妇产科

刚看完一部韩国电视剧，是关于医院妇产科里，孕妇们所可能面对的问题以及准父母的困扰。

当初纯粹属于好奇才追看，没想到就迷上了，在此推荐于有兴趣的朋友。

故事大纲：《妇产科》以一家地方医院妇产科为背景，通过描写医生、准夫妻等不同的人物面貌，讲述了现代社会的爱情和婚姻以及和怀孕相关的各种小插曲。剧中，女主角徐惠英医生，在即将晋升为教授的时候，得知自己意外怀孕的事实，从而陷入深深的苦恼。性格冷静的徐惠英面临堕胎、自己的怀孕、分娩相关的一系列现实性矛盾，并为此而苦恼。

P/S: 有些画面很感动，请事先自备纸巾。:P


现实生活：数年前，与友人约定一起进入医学系，未来一起成为妇产科医生。当时我们都是因为喜欢小孩，抱着单纯的理想。


无奈，这些约定已无法如计划进行了。我们俩各分前程，不懂她是否还怀着当年的抱负呢？在医院实习了一年多，了解自己的能力，我自认没信心未来可以朝那方面发展，而且听到的评语通常是：

‘妇产科很忙的，通常没有时间照顾家庭’

‘责任很重大，因为承担的是两个人的性命’

‘稍有任何差错，很容易被控告’

虽然如此，我还是需尽我的本分，好好完成最后一年的课程。未来不管在那一领域，为大众服务，拯救生命才是最重要。Cause no harm。(不过,不可否认我还是特别对这一方面较有兴趣，嘻嘻。。。)

Parents and Family

Today clerk a patient with leg swelling. I am now not focusing on his main problem, but the issue that he suddenly raised up just now.

Instead of I questioning of his condition, he also asked me about my family. During our conversation, he mentioned about a chinese new year advertisment by Petronas few years back, about parents and family.

The scene was about a few aunties sitting in front of old folks home, chatting in Hokkien. All of them told to each other how clever and how rich thier children earn each months. In the end, there was only the son of the quietest and poorest aunty come to visit his mother.

The aunty said this before she left.

'My son comes to fetch me already. He likes to bring me TOGETHER anywhere they go...'

The advertisment ends with the jealousy and sadness of the aunties who show off about their children's achievement just now.

The only 10 minutes short story brings a lot of meanings inside there. I am sure that everyone will be touched or suddenly realises their mistakes after watching this.

The uncle used this example to advise me not to forget about our parents because we are brought up by them, since we were small. Many young generations forgot their parents after they works or marry. He had reminded me that I have not gone back hometown for almost one month. Each weekend, I always tell them that I am too busy, got a lot of classes and no time to go back home. Sometimes, I only go back after 3-4 months, although the journey just takes 4 hours.

'You can choose your gf or bf again, but you only have one father and mother. So must appreciate them'

After the conversation, I realised that it's time to express our love to our parents, not just physically. A simply phone call or visit wouldn't spend us too much but these are very meaningful to my old parents who miss us so much.

I love you, daddy & mummy~

Coffee

I am totally addicted to coffee right now. Everyday, I miss the taste of coffee and I just can't help myself to continue drinking coffee.

Back to last few years before I entered medical school, I did not drink coffee at all. Instead I still managed to study and do my daily activities without taking an afternoon nap. I am totally admired my determination that time.

Right now, my addiction to coffee become worse and worse after days. I must drink a cup of coffee to make me awake whole day. Probably influenced by my roomate as well. I told her that I will get palpitation (increase heart rate) and insomnia once I drink coffee. Meanwhile she likes to drink coffee so much. After so much stress and less time to study, I started my experience drinking coffee, Nescafe 3 in 1.

Out of control, I am totally addicted to this kind of 'caffeine drug' without I could realise it. If coffee was out in one of my day, I will sleep and drowsy for the entire day. The amount is increasing. Oh no, I am dependent of coffee already!!! It is almost similar to drug addict.

I tried to get rid of this 'bad' habit before, not totally, but at least reduce it. In the end, I should admit I am not strong enough to fight with the excitement and effects of coffee. It makes me feel happy and enjoy my days. The feeling after having a cup of hot coffee in the evening is very nice. =)

Hope I wouldn't resistant to coffee after prolonged exposure to it. hahaha....

Sing K

Last week midnight I went to sing K in Greenbox with friends and to celebrate my bf's birthday.

I have not been in Karaokae for quite a long time, more than 6 months. Compare with my records 2 years ago, I was one of the regular customers during that time.

I have to admit that I do not sing much. Most of the time I just sat at side and listen to my friends' singing. I have some kind of inconfidence of my own voice that I always think that I can't sing well. In fact, it proves my thoughts are correct too.

Although don't sing well, I joined choir team since secondary school and also in university. It's hard to believe right? My friends told me before that my problem is not on my voice, just I do not sing with the correct methods. I am not as bad as others who does not sing to the correct key as well. (which make me feel better then)

I found out that some of my friends can sing very well. No matter how hard the songs are, they can sing like a professional singer. Their voice are so comfortable and nice to listen. Anyway, I do enjoy listening everytime.

Hope to have chance and singing with friends in the future, and I would able to sing better next time.

帅哥

一个人的外貌真的那么重要吗？美丽俊俏的脸孔的确吸引人， 还可能会让他们因此而得到不少好处。

今天上了一堂课，导师是个从外国留学归来的帅哥。之前第一次上他的课，不可否认，我被他那斯文的外貌给吸引，今天也是如此。=P

其实俊俏及美丽的定义，因人而异，每人都有不同的审美观。我就是较欣赏这一类的男生，但请别以为我在发花痴，纯粹出自于欣赏。

之前观赏电视节目，很多女生为了欣赏帅哥，会一涌而蜂；现实生活中，我也遇见了真人真事。有同学竟然为了这位导师，出席他们无需出席的一堂课。

回归正传，他的却不只有样貌，知识与自信让他更有魅力，让在场的每位同学顿时对他佩服不已。本身并不明白这堂课的内容，但在短短的一小时内，我茅塞顿开。

结论是：欣赏帅哥，是每个女生的本性，看你是否那个帅哥罢了。。。

SPM results: 5 years before and after

Today is the important for every former Form 5 student because they will know the results of SPM after months of effort. So does my brother.

I told him last week this news once I know the date through the phone. I even made a joke that I hope to change my spectacles after knowing his results, since he always creates some surprises for us in his unexpected exam results.

Waiting his phone call whole morning, finally I made a call to him. He was busy that time. But I can feel his happiness over there.

'How many you get?' that's the first sentence when he answered.

'8'

'Huh? Really?'

Shocked...

'I get B+ in my Biology and Moral, the others are A+, A and A-'

'Congratulation!!! Really so surprised you will score so well'

Previously I always scold him for not studying and keep playing computer game, even my dad also feels so worry of him. But, the results prove that not neccessary to study all the time only can score well. He has clever while I only have hardworking.

Thinking of 5 years ago, I get marvellous results in my SPM too. I managed to enter Matriculation and UM medical school after that. All of these happened just like a routine. I never think of if someday I failed in continuing all of these, what will happen to me?

If I did not get a place in Matriculation, will I continue my study in Form 6?

Will I still choose in Biology or change to Physic?

If I do so, my future will change totally... I would not meet new friends here and my thinking will be different as well. I may not choose to study medicine in university anymore.

Back to reality, we can't go back to the past. All of these were just memories. There was no so many 'what if' for me too. I cannot always live in the memory that I was still the top student in the school. Life goes on. I have to admit I am not excellent anymore. What I can do now is trying my best in strive for the best.

Congrates to my brother again. You are our prouds. =)

Dark skin

Today, when I clerked a Malay patient in the ward, he threw me a question:

'Are u mixed of Siamese?'

'No la, I am Chinese, but I am get used when people ask me this question.' answered with a sweet smile.

I know if my name tag didn't show my name, he properly will think that I am a Malay.

'Oh.. Then are you from Penang?'

'Ya, how do you know that?' surprised

'I can guess from the way you talked to me.'

Since I was small, I don't have fair skin as a chinese should have. Not just due to I like outdoor activities, instead, I stays indoor more often. Think properly, genetic could play some factor in my darker skin colour.

My daddy has dark skin too, caused mainly by his job who exposed alot under sunlight. If I go out together with my dad, sure the strangers will have the impression that we are Malays.

It was not a new experience to me when strangers spoke malay to me, while both of us are Chinese. Since secondary schoool or during my part time job after SPM, I met these situations always. Most of the time, I chose to answer them in Mandarin. What I get after that were their surprise and embarrassing facies. Especially when I kept super short hair that time, I like to make a joke that I came from Indonesia, working as Indonesian maid. Each time I go out, I must bring my IC to prevent I am treated as illegal immigren.

After keeping long hair, this situation does not improve much. The better I was told I looks like a singer, who is also a Malay. =.=lll On the street, I was still asked in Malays by Chinese uncles and aunties. Lecturers, not matter Chinese or Malay like to throw me the same question:

'Are you Siamese?'

'No, I am pure Chinese.'



This is my standard answer.

Change to mature but unchanged friendship

Yesterday night suddenly have a chatting session with my dearly roommate about our life in UM in the past.

We talked about our first, second and third year university life. Realised that we have changed over this 4 years. Become more and more mature because all of us had went through some events that taught us to think and grow up.

Many pleasant memories were brought back from deep of my memory bank. All of my coursemates who were initially strangers, have developed good friendship starting from our first year. Some of them even more than friendship. ^^

During first year, we were divided into 3 different hostels. However, we still had some interaction among hostels just because we studied together. We did alot of crazy events in a large group, outing for movie during orientation weeks, conquer 20++ seats in the cinema, some jokes that make us laugh always when mentioned it. Everyone like to call each other 'labmate', 'dissection hallmate', 'PBLmate'....All these seems make us even closer. Sometimes, we had gathering in anyone's room, updating about the latest news happen among us. So, there is no secret in Medic Faculty. Our friendship was so innocent and true.

Time passed and we are getting more busy in our study. However, we do have some events or celebrations when we are able to do it. Hope that our friendship will last long even after we graduate. :-)

My 15 days of CNY

It's March of 2010! The Chinese New Year has over and I have entered my final year without I realised it for more than 1 week. :-(

I am in Medicine posting as my first start of final year medical school life after CNY. For your information, there are alot of subspecialties in medicine ward: Cardiology, Chest, Gastroenterology, Neurology, Haematology, Renal, Endocrine, Rheumatology, Dermatology.... All those we should try to master it within the duration of 2 MONTHS only!!! Now, you will know why do I don't like medicine compare to other postings. :-P

When a medical student enters final year, he or she will be highly expected to know than before and even at the level of HO because they are going to be part of them just after one year later. We are supposed to know how to get a good history and physical examination, get to appropriate investigation and know how to manage our patient. We are not longer forgiven if we even don't know how to clerking a patient, not to say examine the patient.

Finish mentioned about my study, I have an enjoy CNY and my last weekend anyway.

2010 Chinese New Year

First family photo taken during CNY (All of us in the red, :-))

******

I went out for a gathering with my good friends in Hard Rock Hotel, Penang island on 4th day of CNY

please look at the pose 4 of us did, actually we were posing according to the statues at the back (creative, right?)

*******

I went to Banting on the last weekend, and to my surprise they are going to Malacca and I joined them. I was interested to visit Malacca for years and I never thought that I will go there so suddenly without any sign, hehe. 6 of us went there by 2 cars, overnight in Peichean's house.

This is the prove that I went to Malacca, a typical buiding there

Photos would explain everything. Most of the photos are around the food in Malacca (which some of them I have excluded in this post). In fact, we went to many places to just eat, eat and eat only. So, I think I have increased weight more than 4 kg within these 15 days of CNY. =.=lll It's time for me to do some exercise.

In the end, I want to show a photo that make me so proud.

I learnt to solve the magic cube completely within 2 days last CNY, taught from my brother. hehe.